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Murphy's Laws of Medical

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Piccione, Jan 28, 2019.

  1. Piccione

    Piccione Bartender

    1.You'll always have one stasis bag less than necessary
    2.When there's an emergency, you won't have time to prepare your equipment.
    3.When you have time to prepare your equipment, there'll be no emergency.
    4.When an Odysseus is required, no one will be able to pilot it.
    5.Chemists will never do their job.
    5.5. If Chemists do their jobs, they will do it very poorly.
    5.75. If Chemists do their jobs well, they're traitors.
    6. The only people who get hurt are the ones with Suit Sensors off.
    7.The Corpsmen will always be more competent than the Physicians.
    8.The Physicians will always be more competent than the Chief Medical Officer.
    9.When you go planetside, there'll be an Emergency on the Torch.
    10. When you stay on the torch, there'll be an Emergency Planetside.
    11. Boarders will always remember you're important when they're low on ammo.
    12. When you need Security, they'll never be there.
    12.5 When Security is there, they're in Stasis Bags with two missing limbs.
    13. Physicians will always forget to amputate the stumps first.
    14. When the Physicians know where the pushed scan display is, you'll forget to push it.
    15. When you remember to push the scan, Physicians will ask a paper copy.
    16. When you go Planetside with the Exploration Team, you'll be the most competent Explorer.
    16.5 If you're not the most competent Explorer, someone among you is a Traitor.
    17. There's never enough Nanoblood.
    18. You will always forget to bring a Roller Bed to a situation where a Stasis Bag would be wasteful.
    19. If the ship gets spaced, the ETC will be the first place that will lose pressure.
    20. The Supermatter is directly below the ETC's Deck.
    21. You will never have an AI when you need to get somewhere you don't have access to urgently.
    22. The one time Duty Gloves would've helped preventing the loss of a hand, you'll have forgotten to put them in your loadout.
    23. There'll never be a Counselor around when needed.
    24. You'll forget to replace the Rescue Hardsuit's tank only in shifts when you need to use it.
    25. You'll always forget that you have splints when you need to use them.
    25.5 When you remember that you have splints, they will have arterial bleeding, as well.
    26. When there's no Physicians, the only bones that will break are in the chest, lower body, and head.
    27. Contractors will always be unskilled in the thing your department needs the most.
    28. When people fall through disposals, there'll be no supply department or AI.
    28.5 When supply is there, they'll try sending the injured back up disposals. The Disposals Pipe connecting Supply to Medical will be broken.
    29. When you need to fix someone's lungs, the Infirmary will be depressurized.
    30. Boarders and other Antagonists will always take out the Infirmary first.
    31. Murphy was a Trainee.
    Rodmuth likes this.
  2. Eingamer

    Eingamer Chef

    The last time I tried to help with 17, the CMO told me they didn't need tomatoes. My flower arrangement from earlier was still on their reception desk.
    The last time I helped with 21 was a complete accident. I just happened to be a deck technician with a broken liver when they needed to get someone out of disposals.
  3. cammissar

    cammissar Petty Officer First Class

    When you need a voidsuit from EVA in an emergency, the suit storage room will always be depowered. Except for when it's depressurized.
    Piccione likes this.
  4. Melioa

    Melioa Game Administrator

    An incompetent physician is indistinguishable from a traitor physician.

    There are no traitor physicians.